#UNFILTERED FROM MY PRIVATE JOURNALS

March 2, 2023 Thursday morning

I am in Singapore. For the past 2 days, I woke up naturally at 530am after a deep sleep and had the peace of the place to myself. I walked to Bedok Central to have my breakfast, nasi lemak at a whopping $2.50. I did some street photography on a walk in the wee early hours of the morning. The camera never leaves my side. It is an extension of me and it serves as therapy. I run errands in the early mornings. Picked up a bunch of winter apparel from Decathalon. Things are way cheaper in Asia.

Here are my untainted first thoughts.

how to travel Singapore — After 3 years away

Viewing Singapore Through a different lens.

After 3 years away, I am definitely viewing Singapore through a different lens. I’ve noticed that I am able to go by a day without being anxious or flustered as I were in the past. Maybe it is due to the spate of good rainy weather bringing things to a manageable temperature - I don’t know. But I like this unhurried version of me. I spend time reconnecting with my Dad. I can tell that he enjoys this new version of me too.

I had a feeling that my trip back for a month would shed insight on where home is to me. Right now, I am absorbing things with fresh eyes. Good food readily available! Cheap eating out options! Comfortable room and board that I feel secure, safe and instantly at home.

Shacked up in my old room

Different but still Cozy.

First insights after being away for so long is that, boy, reality can change. One minute, I was trudging through the miserable Vancouver snow slush, getting my luggage and shoes wet taking the skytrain to YVR airport, the next, I am running through immigration at Tokyo, Narita. When the doors of the giant metal bird closes, to open again, I am back in Singapore. It is surreal.

I find myself marvelling at the relative “freedom”, of not having to think 3 steps ahead for the day, not making plan Bs, expecting things in Canada to not ever work out the way that you hope it will.

I find myself not being in the go-go-go mode. In the morning walking and feeding Rue (my dog), working her out, rushing through a harried breakfast of oats and coffee before rushing to work.

I find myself not needing to look over my shoulders, eyeing shady characters in the downtown, fretting over my belongings. I don’t need to side step passed out junkies on the street. The past year had already been a tough one. The mental resignation of daily dealing with this crap wears a person down further.

Back in Singapore, I am free to eat what I want and move around freely. I find myself not always being in a fight or flight mode. All my stressors fade away. “Freedom” is a word little associated with life in Singapore, but there are 2-sides to a coin.

Looking back, it is as if the past 3 years in Vancouver never happened.

AND BOY, HAVE I GOT STORIES.

Getting broken into and losing thousands in camera gear, scuffling with a rando who stole my backpack in broad daylight, driving like a maniac to the vet at 2am when Rue had seizures, working jobs that pay a third less than my salary back home. I remember walking out in the dark to the parking spot after work to find my car missing. (got towed) Standing in the cold, I had to figure out how to get to the tow yard before they close for the day to retrieve my vehicle.

All to suffer the immediate growing pains just so to reap rewards later when things settle down. But things never quite settled. Everyday was treading water - with finances, relationships, emotional and mental health.

All of that last 3 years seem like a distant memory now that I am back for the month. Who was that person back there? I feel as if I’m living in an alternate reality. This is my life now. It’s mind boggling.

Here in SG, I expect the the honeymoon romanticism to die as I settle down in the days ahead. But I am just at the moment… comfortable. Real comfortable. And because I haven’t had yet to deal with crowds, my anxiety levels are low. Coming back to a comfortable room, a bed, a study desk, all taken care of. My most immediate needs are covered.

Whenever I find myself getting overwhelmed, I retreat and take a nap in the room. Like old times. I haven’t had the deepest sleep for a long time. My first home in SG and Vancouver after moving out of my parents’ house always had ambient street noises (crazies yelling at 2am, sirens every night). But here, there are no raging ambulances, huge trucks revving, mentally ill people screaming. It is placid. I can lay my head down to rest.

I tell my friends that the difference between living in Vancouver vs Singapore is that in Singapore, everything is borderline comfortable. There is no real excitement, but also no moments when you’re down and out. Nobody is dying on the streets. In Canada, the highs are exhilaratingly heady (British Columbia is one of the prettiest places on earth when it wants to be) but the lows are the pits. I can understand why people kill themselves in the lonely winter months. And that’s just the weather.

What is Home? This age-old question mean different things at different seasons in my life. Home is community. I am the sum of the community that loves and claims me. I am a son, a grandson, a photographer, a storyteller. I am a dog-dad. I am the sum of all these parts that gives me meaning. I think Home can also be a person, and if your heart expands, maybe 2, or 3 persons.

Bottomline? You will always be searching for greener pastures.

What are you searching for right now?